______________________________ | ___ _______ ___ | | / _ \/ __/ _ \/ _ \ | | / // / _// , _/ ___/ | | /____/___/_/|_/_/ | | | | PROUDLY | | ....PRESENTS.... | | | | ...THE HAUS SHOW REPORT... | | VOLUME 7 | | | | DATE: Sep 14th, 2011 | | WRITTEN BY: Tyler Terrapin | |____________________________| It just boggles my mind that the first DERP haus show was held almost TWO MONTHS AGO! Since then, DERP has just been setting the bar higher and higher! The word is spreading, the secret is out, the masses are forming, and the DERPaholics are plenty! Case in point, tonight on a Wednesday night in the Burgh, attendence figures crept into the high 900's!!! That is just incredible! I'm guessing people really enjoyed Extreme TV: Episode I, especially now that it's been uploaded to YouTube! And just like every week since the inception, at the crack of seven, the DERP projectors fired up, giving the fans something to enjoy as they find their seats with the first match only minutes away... *^*^*^*^*^*^*^* ON THE SCREENZ *^*^*^*^*^*^*^* [The camera opens up in the back, on a brown exit door!?!? One begins to wonder what exactly the point is as the door slowly creeps open. A handlerbar mustache first appears, followed by the rest of twenty-eight year old butler with slicked back hair known as Fletcher slowly makes his way through the door! Once inside, he pauses, looks around and then motions.... calling in the DERP 24/7 CHAMPION BATEMAN into the building!!! Bateman enters, in his wrestling gear, title strapped around his waist, a knightstick in his hand. FLETCHER: I've heard they've been known to hang out over here... [Bateman nods, following his butler as the camera follows them both. They reach a hallway, with multiple doors. The duo walks down the hallway, passing a few doors, before Fletcher opens one slowly, turnign towards bateman giving him a nod to get ready. Bateman lifst the knighstick into the air ready to go.... ...and as the two men burst into the room, the camera man quickly follows! Insidee, the three or four DART~! students immedaitly leap to their feet. Blue Weenie, Steven Bitchards and Masnoto Tanacho all stand behind DART~! leader it seems, "Nuts" Baloney, who currently has a chair in hand. The staredown ensures.... ...but ends quite quickly, as Bateman gives a nod to Fletcher!?!? In one instant, Flethcer charges the camera, as Bateman drops the nightstick! Before the feed cuts out, Bateman is heard saying "I have a business proposition for you guys!" The feed then cuts back in, showing us another DERP locker room, where "Black Jesus" Ryan Faith is standing directly in front of The Mighty Quinn!] FAITH: You think you're real fuckin' special don't ya... Just because you're bigger then almost everyone! [Ryan shoved his pointer finger into Quinn's face causing him to look down at him like he was looking down at a little puppy.] FAITH: Do I look like a fucking lawn dart? Huh? Do I? Do I look like a god damn lawn dart... ya... ya... ya RETARD! [The Mighty Quinn's! eyes grew wide as the large Eskimo was about to say something only to be cut him off.] FAITH: Ya know what... I don't even care. Because sooner or later you're going to realize I'm not someone you can use to make yourself look good. I'm the real deal. I control my path, not you! You threw me from the ring into the crowd causing me to bust up my face on a metal folding chair! [Quinn shrugged as Ryan continued.] FAITH: But what happened? I came back and I pinned your ass! So what now? What do you have to say for yourself? [Quinn once again tries to speak, but once again Faith cuts him off.] FAITH: What's the matter, cat got your tongue? Can't speak? [He paused.] FAITH: Did the good lord really make you retar.... [Out of no where Bob Zimmerman came into the picture stepping between The Mighty Quinn! and Ryan Faith.] ZIMMERMAN: Oh, big and bad, Mr. Ryan Faith... I got no talent so I gotta mock _JESUS_ for heat! I'd say go pick one someone yer own size, but I doubt anyone needs the extra small Trojans! So instead, why don't you just _SHUT IT_ and wait and see what happens Friday night punk! [Faith stepped backward holding his hands out almost wanting Zimmerman to calm down a bit.] FAITH: Wait wait wait... Relax, I was just telling Quinn how much God must have loved him! ZIMMERMAN: Oh sure, I bet that's the exact reason why Quinn looks irate and hurt at the same time! Save your excuse for someone that gives a shit! Yes, the Mighty Quinn's is a gentle gian-- [Quinn pushes Zimmerman out of the way and stepsforward towards Faith causing him to step backward only to trip over his robe falling flat on his back. Faith pulled himself together as he got back to his feet before back peddling away, as Quinn continues to approach Faith, seemingly enraged and ready to explode. Before Quinn can get his mighty paws on the "Black Jesus", Faith takes off running.] *^*^*^*^*^*^*^**^*^*^*^*^*^*^* SCREENS RETURN TO DERP LOGO *^*^*^*^*^*^*^**^*^*^*^*^*^*^* And the world of DERP is heating up! Bateman taking some precautions perhaps to help hold onto that 24/7 championship! We got Faith wagging the finger in the gentle giant's face, which cannot be a good thing for him! You read how he reacted! Get that big lug angry, I can't imagine good things are gunna happen! But, nonetheless, all that allowed all the fans to meander their way inside. Their pace became a bit quickened as the grand sounds of O Fortuna by Carl Orff fill the arena as Ric Beauty steps out from behind the curtain. The crowd just explodes! RELL-ICK! RELL-ICK! RELL-ICK! RELL-ICK! RELL-ICK! RELL-ICK! RELL-ICK! RELL-ICK! RELL-ICK! He surveys the crowd for a moment and soaks in their reaction, he then walks to the ring, smirking his way down the aisle, making sure to slap some five's and pose for a picture or two. Upon gettign to the ring, Beauty rolls in and begins to stare down tonight's opponent, Kian Kogna... "The Nihilist War Mongrel" already waits him, ahving been wheeled out and uncaged during Bateman's arrival. Konga doesn't even bother waiting for the bell, instantly charging Beauty... *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* | | | THE WINLESS DO BATTLE! | | | | RIC BEAUTY | | vs. | | "THE NIHILIST WAR MONGREL" | | KIAN KONGA | | | *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* ...who instantly puts up a big boot, knocking the Mongrel back a few steps, and follows with a nasty clothesline, sending Konga to the mat but Konga doesn't stay down very long, popping right back up, as Beauty grabs Konga and whips him into the ropes, and leaps into the air for a beautiful drop kick! It lands squarely in the middle of Konga's chest, sending the "War Mongrel" backwards into the ropes, gasping for air. Beauty gets to his feet, and charges over. First giving Konga a elbow to the jaw, and then... POWERSLAM!! Beauty hooks the leg! 1... KICKOUT! Beauty shrugs, as if to say "eh, it's early!" as he picks Konga up to his feet. He again whips him into the ropes. This time as Kian charges back, Beauty goes a for another clothesline... but Konga ducks it and bounces right back off the ropes! Beauty with the hip toss! NO!!! Kian blocks it, Russian leg sweep! Konga evens the playing field it seems! Both men get to their feet about the same time! Beauty swings, going for a roundhouse, but Konga decides to go low, punt kick to the gonads!!! Beauty's immediately hunches over as Konga follows up with a knee to his face! Beauty falls too the mat, as Konga goes for the pin... NO! He just climbs on top of Beauty and starts clawing away it his chest!!! And then... DOUBLE FISHHOOK!!! Konga is trying to tear Beauty's mouth apart! The crowd is just roaring, seething with hatred.... [I DIDN'T THINK AN OLD MAN COULD DO THAT FACE POP!] ...but Beauty swings his legs up, anD catches Konga in the head, and pulls him down for a pin attempt! The crowd continues to roar with delight! 1... SHOULDER UP!!! Konga rolls out of the pin, and immediately gets to his feet! Beauty's ready for him, giving Konga another big boot to the face! This one sending Konga stumbling between the ropes and out of the ring! Beauty takes a moment to rest, leaning on the top rope, smiling ear to ear.. as he moves to the top rope! The fans only roar louder, as Konga pulls himself to his feet with the ring apron... He cant find Beauty and stumbles back confused as Beauty leaps... TOP ROPE DROPKICK!!!! Konga is flown into the he guardrail and then crashes into the mat! Beauty lands hard as well, but the fans certainly approve!!! RELL-ICK! RELL-ICK! RELL-ICK! RELL-ICK! RELL-ICK! RELL-ICK! RELL-ICK! RELL-ICK! RELL-ICK! RELL-ICK! RELL-ICK! RELL-ICK! RELL-ICK! RELL-ICK! RELL-ICK! RELL-ICK! RELL-ICK! RELL-ICK! Beauty is the first one to his feet, obviously from the grimacing reminding himself not to try that again. Konga looks pretty much out of it, as Beauty pulls the "Nihlist One" up from the concrete floor.... only to whip him hard right into the guardrail! A fan right there holds up his chair, and Beauty nods... slamming Konga's head right into it, nearly knocking the fan over! Beauty then grabs a beer from a fan! He drinks most of it... and then punches Konga with the moose piss filled cup! Konga leans onto the guardrail, as Beauty takes a moment to play to the crowd! The respond with cheers, as Beauty grabs Konga by the hair and rolls him into the ring! Beauty doesn't follow, though, choosing to go under the ring.... and get himself a table!! he slides that into the ring, but he's not done! he goes back to the fans, and gets himself a few chairs! He tosses them into the ring, before sliding underneath the bottom rope! But Beauty took too much time! He's quickly meant by a charging "War Mongrel!" Konga gives Beauty a knee shot to the face! Beauty falls to the mat, as Konga then begins to just stomp away! BUT BEAUTY WITH THE DOUBLE LEG TAKEDOWN!! He gets on top of Konga, trying to get the momentum back... THUMB TO THE EYE!!! Konga kicks Beauty off of him! Beauty is slow to get up, blinking over and over and over again, as Konga grabs one of the chairs...... THHHUDDDD!!!!! Right over Beauty's back! THHUDDD!!! And another shot! Beauty is rolling around in pain on the mat! The crowd begins to jeer Konga, but he pays no attention. He drops the chair to the mat, and pulls Beauty to his feet... only to give Beauty sharp, straight jabs right to the jaw! One right after another, backing the "24 Hour Man" into the corner! Konga moves in, trying to stay on the attack, continuing to just ignore the fans... and gets met with an elbow! It takes Konga step back, but doesn't do much else.... but Beauty follows with another! Then with a headbutt! Now Konga's reeling, as Beauty grips him up and drops him to the mat with a German suplex!!! The fans seem very, very pleased as Beauty doesn't go for the pin, choosing instead of grab himself a steel chair... only to sit up kinda close to the one corner! He pulls Konga to his feet, and grabs the "War Mongrel" towards the set up chair. Beauty whips Konga into the near by ropes, and Konga comes back, charging right towards Beauty and the chair.... DROP TOE HOLD!! Konga's face just bounces off the unforgiving steel! T-K-O! T-K-O! T-K-O! T-K-O! T-K-O! T-K-O! T-K-O! T-K-O! T-K-O! T-K-O! T-K-O! T-K-O! T-K-O! T-K-O! T-K-O! T-K-O! T-K-O! T-K-O! T-K-O! T-K-O! T-K-O! As the fans just continue to roar, Beauty flips Konga over for the pin... 1... 2...... [FUCKING NOSEY JAGGOFF HEEL POP!] IKUTO NAGASHIMA APPEARS AT THE TOP OF THE RAMP!!! Beauty rolls over and stands up, breaking up the pin attempt himself. Ikuto just shakes his head and motions for a mic. IKUTO: No, Ric, NO! You got it all WRONG! Go ahead, finish him! I _WANT_ to you see win! I _WANT_ to see that jubilation in your face! IKUTO: That way when I tear it all down... it'll feel so much sweeter!!!! [Ric barks back, but his words barely audible over the fans booing. Ikuto crosses his arms, and taps his foot, again motioning for Beauty to finish him . Ric seems to have gotten a idea, as he moves back to Konga, and pulls him to his feet... He spins Konga around, with a inverted double underhook,,, AND DROPS HIM WITH A FACEBUSTER!!! That's the Make Over, Ikuto's own finisher! The crowd roars with delight, as Ikuto seems quite irate, tossing his drink the crowd and everything! Beauty gets to his feet, and gives Ikuto the "HOLD ON!" hand signal! What does he have planned now!?!?! Beauty sets up the table in the middle of the ring, as Ikuto continues to bark away, having now moved closer to ringside. Ric just laughs, as he rolls Konga onto the table. He even flicks Ikuto off as he climbs up the far turnbuckles, as far away as possible from Ikuto! With a smile all over his face, and one final nod to Ikuto, Ric leaps, going for the BEAUTY BOMB.... NO!! He turns!?!?! AND THEN LEAPS!!! MOONSAULT ELBOW DROP THROUGH THE TABLE!!! Ikuto is livid as Beauty drapes the arm for the cover.... 1... IKUTO ARMS HIMSELF WITH A STEEL CHAIR!!! 2...... IKUTO GETS INTO THE RING!!!! 3!!!!!! SMMMMMMMAAAAACCCKKKK!!!!! HEADBUTT TO THE STEEL CHAIR!!! Beauty having sent the chair flying back into the "Toyko Bad boy" sending him against the ropes, as Beauty himself drops to the mat, feeling the pain of using his head to stop the chair shot. It's hard to tell who exactly got the worst of that!!! Despite that, both men get to their feet and look like all hell is going to break loose!!!!! *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* | | | WINNER: Ric Beauty | | | | FINISH: Top rope moonsault elbow | | drop through a table | | | *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* ... BUT SECURTIY HITS THE RING!!! There's a few DART~! trainers and a buncha midgets!!! The separate the two men, as Konga is rolled out of the ring for the DERP EMTs to tend too. Beauty is pushed into one corner, as Ikuto's pushed into the other. Both men are doing all they can to fight their way thru security to get at each other, but neither men are making any ground! Ric is the first to give up... but gets a hold of a mic, liftign it to his lips! RIC BEAUTY: Damn it Ikuto, I am sick of seeing your face each and every time I have a match! And these fans deserve better than this, it is like you and I are teasing them. [Ikuto likes the idea of teasing the fans] RIC BEAUTY: Well, we have been in a three way, in tag team matches and in each others business for long enough. Lets do it. One on one, Ric Beauty and Ikuto Nagashima. Deathmatch Extravaganza! You can be the trick. The treat will be when I pin you one, two three. You're not scared of an old fuck are you? [RICS AN OLD FUCK chant begins. Ikuto looks out at the crowd with disdain before getting face to face with Beauty. A smirk crosses his lips as he snatches the microphone, locking eyes with the veteran.] IKUTO NAGASHIMA: Scared? Of you!?! [he scoffs, letting out a laugh] Bitch, please. You’re pathetic. And your glory days are long gone. It’s too bad that you and these idiots, cheering you on, just don’t see it. [Ikuto shakes his head as the crowd pops for Beauty.] IKUTO NAGASHIMA: But it’ll be my pleasure to open all of your eyes. So, yes. Consider this little challenge of yours accepted. I just hope that you’re ready because what I’ve done to you so far will be _nothing_ compared to what I do to you then, old timer! [Both men continue their staredown and resist security's attempt to get them out of the ring. As the DERP securiy team continues to try to get the men out of the ring, the DERP projectors fire up....] *^*^*^*^*^*^*^* ON THE SCREENZ *^*^*^*^*^*^*^* [The scene finds us in the DERP personal area, in the main hallway, wiht all the little rooms of the DERPness branching off. At the one end of this hallway, is the four DART~! students (Blue Weenie, Steven Bitchards, Masnoto Tanacho and of course "Nuts" Baloney) looking tough as can be. With arms crossed their chest, the begin to move down the aislway, slowly walking, forming almsot a barricade... ...for Fletcher and the DERP 24/7 Champion to follow! Flethcer is bringing up the rear, almost walking backwards to keep an eye out in that direction, leaving Bateman and his DERP 24/7 title in the center of the DART~! wall. The group reaches about halfwat down the aisleway, pausing outside one door. The DART~! students are first to go in, pressumably checking it out one would think... The must make a motion for Bateman and Flechter ot follow, because the two linger outside, they now go to move in.... [SLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!] BULLZEYE OUT OF NO WHERE SLAMS THE DOOR SHUT!!! He gives Bateman a kick to the gut, sending the champion stumbling down the hallway. Fletcher tries to defend himself, but ends up meeting the door head first, and slumps to the ground, blockign the door as the DART~! students try to push their way out, feeling a sense of failure as Bateman's bodyguards!!! Bullzeye runs after Bateman and catches him from behind with a bulldog! He then runs up the wall and his a moonsault on Bateman!?!?! The ref trailing everything drops down to make the count... 1... 2...... THE DART STUDENTS MAKE THE SAVE!!! Steven Bitchards is the first there, just diving onto the pile! Quickly, Bullzeye is completley buried in a DART~! student dog pile!!! Fletcher, groggy as all hell, gets to his feet, and moves towards the rukus.... pulling bateman out! Both men, certainly in some pain, stumbel down the hallway, as the DART~! studnets continue their duty, just stomping a mudhole in Bullzeye! *^*^*^*^*^*^*^**^*^*^*^*^*^*^* SCREENS RETURN TO DERP LOGO *^*^*^*^*^*^*^**^*^*^*^*^*^*^* Bateman's preplanning pays off their! I'm sure those DART~! students could use the money too, knowing what that bastard Delaeny gives them as a monthly stipun! And ya gotta wonder how a beating like that will affect Bullzseye's chances later tonight! He already, proverbially, cost himslf a steel city title reign... he could now have cost himself a chance at the tag titles, all for that DERP 24/7 Championship! As the crowd continues to mutter to themselves about various DERP related things, they show quite a serious intrique as a black t-shirt-clad entourage begins pouring through the entrance portal. Four large, stoic, imposing men position themselves in front of the ring, creating a human barricade in front of the aisle leading to it. A moment later, "Monster" by Kanye West hits the speakers. Cue the boos. Out walks Josh Manning... but there's one problem -- he isn't dressed to wrestle. Instead of tights, he's wearing a white dress shirt and a pair of grey chinos. His long brown hair is neatly secured in a ponytail, his beard cleanly trimmed. His left arm is in a cast. As Manning walks -- or rather, due to his other apparent injuries, _limps_ -- towards the ring, he's trailed by Omar, who is deep in conversation with a Latino male, somewhere in his mid-30's, dressed in a suit and tie, wielding a briefcase. He looks all-business. The trio brush past the security team and enter the ring. Manning grabs a microphone and motions for the music to cut off.] JM: As you can see... [Manning points to his injured limb.] JM: There isn't going to be a fucking match tonight... and you have your boy Tyrone Heat to thank for that. [Pop for the Trashman! However, the fans quickly switch gears and become hostile towards Manning.] "YOU'RE A PUSSY!" *Clap-clap-clapclapclap!* "YOU'RE A PUSSY!" *Clap-clap-clapclapclap!* "YOU'RE A PUSSY!" *Clap-clap-clapclapclap!* JM: You have no sympathy for me? That's fine. I don't expect a bunch of morally bankrupt retards and fuck face smart marks to understand. You see, what you don't seem to fucking understand is that, yes, as a performer I _do_ make sacrifices in this business. Physical sacrifices. I walk into this ring each time, expecting to feel it in the following morning ... and I've got no problem with that. None whatsoever. I can proudly say that I can go through that... and not take the easy way out like I used to, which is much more than I can say for some of these brain damaged, perpetually concussed rejects in the back! Two years sober... no pills, no hard drugs, not even a fucking Advil or a Mike's Hard Lemonade. I'm the best fucking athlete in DERP and my piss test and I say so! [THAT'S A QUOTABLE POP!] JM: Point is, there's a difference between making a sacrifice for your livelihood ... and someone trying to sacrifice your livelihood because they're a sorry excuse for a _wrestler_ and a piss-poor human being to begin with. Yeah... I'm talking about _you_, Tyrone Heatwole. You wanted to hurt me, Tyrone? "Teach me a lesson"? Well, mission accomplished, bucko -- you put a hairline fracture in my fucking arm and you cracked my ribs. You wanna settle a score? Fine ... but I didn't sign up for a session of your twisted form of "street justice," I signed up for a _wrestling match_, you fucking lunatic. [Manning hands the microphone to Omar, who has a solemn look on his face.] O: Man, I ain't got nothin' to say, believe it or not. This is a travesty ... a fuckin' travesty! Josh Manning and the Perfectly Perfect Duo set foot into DERP for one thing -- to offer up strong competition. Unfortunately, it seems to me that a few people around here don't appreciate that. A few people around here seem to be a little ... envious of the talent these three athletes possess. Heat, you wanna make things difficult? We'll make 'em difficult. This is our attorney, Emilio Garces. [Emilio takes the floor, equally as serious as Omar is.] EG: Due to the events of last week's "Haus Show," the Pennsylvania State Athletic Commission and myself have had a long conversation regarding Mr. Tyrone Heatwole's actions towards Mr. Josh Manning during their match, which was a six- man tag team match that took place in this very arena. As a result? Tyrone Heat is _banned_ from using any foreign objects and any illegal tactics in his upcoming bout against Josh Manning. [BOO!] EG: In addition, as a result of Mr. Manning's injuries, this match _will_ be postponed until a later date. Until this later date? Mr. Heat is not to have any physical contact with Mr. Manning whatsoever ... and should he come into physical contact with Mr. Manning, Mr. Heat's DERP contract shall be immediately terminated and he _will_ be banned from competing in the State of Pennsylvania, indefinitely! [The crowd goes NUTS with anger, then--] #Back up in your ass with the resurrection,# #is the group harder than an erection,# [Face pop hits the DERP arena as people come to their feet. Dressed in his ring gear, shedding his entrance attire, Tyrone Heat hustles up the entrance aisle.] #that shows more affection.# #They wanna ban us on Capitol Hill,# [Perhaps predictably Manning's cadre of backup forms a tight shell around him. He juts a finger out of his good hand to point at Heat, protesting his presence in the arena.] #'cause it's "die muthafuckas, die muthafuckas"--still.# [Grinning, showing off his mouthpiece (and the word “RESPECT” printed across the front of it, Tyrone produces his own microphone and starts shouting.] TH: Cut my music! Ain't no match so ain't no call for no showmanship. [The music cuts. Rarely heard in a wrestling arena, an "awww" pop is heard as Heat turns his sneer towards his scheduled opponent of the night.] TH: Yo, yo Manning? You in there brah? I thought I heard you talkin' but I can't see through this posse of wannabe security suckas. [Leaning out, Manning makes himself more apparent before ducking down as Heat cocks a fist back.] TH: Oh, there you is! You know what? I thought the other day I was in there fightin' against a man, not some brittle-boned octo-genarian with a storage unit full of reasons he can't win. You're hoardin' excuses, man. Don't you watch Doctor Phil? Hoarding is _mental_ illness. You gotta get some therapy for that shit, man. [A more serious look crosses Tyrone's face.] TH: So what? You didn't understand when you walked in the door that somebody might whack you upside the head with somethin'? Is it that you don't get the rules of the league or the commission don't care that DERP's rulebook is two pages thick with text you can read from orbit? [Beat. More serious still from Heat who dips his chin, glaring upwards and shaking his head.] TH: There ain't no way this is gonna fly with the commission long-term, son. Understand; I don't call you son 'cause I like you, and it ain't for the disrespectful, passive-aggressive bullshit reason you said I was these people's "boy"-- [Mixed pop from the crowd who maybe missed the subtle, perhaps inferred racial undertones. Omar shouts at Heat, objecting to the characterization.] TH: Yeah, yeah I can hear you you wannabe Don King son of a bitch. Manning, I call you son because you ain't proved to me that you're a man yet. You wanna have a match with more rules than DERP cares to own? Fine, man, let's do countout. Let's do DQ. Whatever. Who the hell cares? I'll still drop you on your head and choke your punk ass out! In! That! Order! [Pacing in front of the crowd of people protecting Manning, Heat looks eager to scrap. Picking out one of the larger members of Manning's rented muscle, he gets nose-to-chin with the blond titan, shooting quick, angry looks at Manning.] TH: No matter the stips, man, let me tell you ... Hell. Will. Rain... *SMACK!* [Drilling and dropping that musclebound security guy, Heat turns to the next man, doubling him over with a kick to the gut and hurling him overhead with a T- Bone suplex. Abruptly, and perhaps on instinct, Manning swings a heavy haymaker, nailing Heat from behind! The blow floors Heat, who rolls to his back, taking repeated stomps from Manning until Omar pulls him back. Omar then rallies the security force which blocks the recovering Heat. A shouting match then erupts and Omar is the only man who can be heard over the din of the crowd.] O: Get back man! You want fired!? [Incredulous, Tyrone's response can't be heard but the intent is clear; Manning struck first and Tyrone wants to get him back. Producing a microphone again, Omar explains in louder, clearer, sneering tones.] O: Oh no, you got that wrong, brutha. It doesn't matter what my man Josh does to you! You just keep your distance. You lay one finger on him ... and you reap the whirlwind! You can just drive your broke-ass beater on back to Chicago so you can change the adult diapers of your mama! Oh, and while I'm thinkin' about it ... next time you talk to that bitch? Tell her my cock says hi. *SMACK!* [And OMAR GOES DOWN! Heat gets dogpiled by the muscle as Manning checks on his manager. Wincing with pain, he bends and tries to revive him with a rough shake. Manning and his cronies leave the ring slowly, as the the 'security' gives Heat a few more shots. While this mess is cleaned up and the fans continue to vent their anger over Manning's shannagians, the DERP projectors fire up...] *^*^*^*^*^*^*^* ON THE SCREENZ *^*^*^*^*^*^*^* [We cut backstage to see a new member of the roster sat in a chair, wearing a t- shirt and a pair of jeans, confidently chewing on some gum as he faces the camera... it's "Smart" Mark Bisley] Bisley: Ladies, gentlemen and internet fans, my name is Mark Bisley. Good evening to you. I know that you know that I know someone messed up, announcing the recent signing of some guy named Mike Bisley, but when you rely on temps you’re stuck with someone that doesn’t love their work and makes mistakes. If you want someone who loves their work and doesn’t make mistakes, well, look no further, because that’s why I’m here. I’ve read a few comments, wondering why some guy that’s spent his career training up in Canada or out in Japan has rocked up on the doorstep of a hardcore fed, and it’s quite simple really. At the end of the day, after the chairs have been swung and the light tubes smashed, this dog and pony show prides itself on promoting hardcore WRESTLING - not hardcore brawling, not hardcore bleeding, and not hardcore beer-swilling mouth-breathers that hope the belt is wide enough t cover their beer gut. There’s reasons I came to DERP, and the first of which is quite simple... you need me. You’ve got your brawlers, you’ve got your bleeders, and you’ve got your beer-swilling... yeah, you know the rest. What you don’t have is variety. Somebody who can walk into the ring and do something a bit more creative, a bit more skilful, a bit more aesthetically pleasing than writing off a few hundred bucks worth of tables every time they waddle down the ramp and pretend they can tell the difference between a snapmare and tube of Pringles. You know it, I know it... but I admit it. What you want is somebody who can drag any of the no-mark garbage brawlers this place has to offer to a respectable match, a match the dirtsheets will add a couple of stars to the rating because one guy in the ring knew how to wrestle a damn match, breaking the tedium that three hours of tables, chairs, light tubes and barbed wire tends to bring people who’ve sat through the Saw franchise have gotten bored of three times over. What’s in it for me, you wonder? Apart from making myself all the more valuable in the eyes of the guy running this place by making some of your garbage so- called wrestlers look competent in the ring and getting rewarded, there’s the fact anyone with an eye for scouting talent will see this guy proving he can mix it up with some thumbtack-chucking monkeys and get a decent match out of them, and they’ll keep tabs on my contract status. So you get some decent matches, and I get my value raised until somebody comes along with an even better offer. But that’s enough about my motives, time to talk about my method... Voice: Hey, Bishop... why dun chu shut the fuck up already! ["Nuts" Baloney barges into shot, having overheard some of Bisley’s promo and still feeling the adrenaline rush for hitting the Bullzeye.] Baloney: You walk into MY house, saying how great YOU fucking are, talking down about me and my like we’re a bunch of jagoffs... [Bisley stands up from his seat, looking Baloney in the eye] Bisley: Bisley. Mark BISLEY. Baloney: Bishop, Bisley, Mark, Mike, WHAT THE FUCK EVER. What you haven’t told me is why I shouldn’t drag yer arse dahn to dat ring and beat sum manners into ya! [Bisley pauses for just a moment, to switch his gum to the other side of his mouth] Bisley: You know what...? Baloney: What? Bisley: Didn’t catch your name, you’re going to have to fill in the blanks here. Baloney: I’m "Nuts" fucking Baloney, the lea- Bisley: Yeah, I got your name, that’s enough. You know what, Baloney? Like any good professional, I came to the arena with my ring gear. So, if you want to... what was it? Drag me to da ring and beat sum manners into mah? Baloney: Damn right! Bisley: I’ll tell you what, if you think you’re capable of walking and talking at the same time, I’ll see you in the ring once they’ve taken a squeegee to all the blood and beer on the canvas, and I’ll give you a little education in one thing... The Science of Greatness. Baloney: Greatness? Pfft, yea fucking right. Bisley: If you don’t mind, I have to get ready. Go warm up with a hot dog or something. [Baloney leaves, clearly pissed off by Bisley’s attitude] Bisley: You know, people, I was supposed to only come here to introduce myself to you all but, as the fine gentleman currently swearing loudly in the corridor said, I’ve got a match tonight. Stay tuned, and you’ll get a bonus match and, better yet, your first look at the new Ace of this company. Stay tuned... [We cut to SOMETHING ELSE] *^*^*^*^*^*^*^**^*^*^*^*^*^*^* SCREENS RETURN TO DERP LOGO *^*^*^*^*^*^*^**^*^*^*^*^*^*^* And here we go! Perhaps to make up that bullshit Manning affair, we gots ourselves a bonus match for the evening! "Nuts" Baloney immediatly marched hsi way out to the ring, looking like one angry mofo! Bisely wastes no time making his way out to the ring, as blue lights begin to slowly and subtly fill the entranceway, as "Diamond Eyes" begins to swell across the arena via the PA system, with all the attention focused on the message on the DERP projector screens: The Science of Greatness [As the song finishes its initial swell and the guitar breaks the mood, "Smart" Mark Bisley walks out onto the ramp, arm raised, wearing a cocky expression across his face as he surveys the arena, continuing to walk down the ramp] ## To the edge, ‘til we all get off ## I will take you away with me ## Once and for all... [His arms spread wide, Bisley invites attention towards himself as he descends the ramp as he continues his stroll to the ring] Announcer: Making his way to the ring, weighing in at 204lbs and hailing from Minneapolis, Minnesota..... "SMART" MARK BISLEY!!! ## Time will see us realign ## Diamonds rain across the sky ## Shower me into the same realm... [Reaching the base of the ramp, Bisley pauses to throw a couple of practice jabs for show, before removing the towel from his shoulders and tossing it into the ring] ## Calculate our embrace, hold on ## (Come with me now) ## Run away, outer space with me ## Once and for all... [Bisley pulls himself up and sits on the ring apron facing the crowd, pointing to himself before purposefully tapping the side of his head and giving an "OK" sign, before rolling under the ropes into the ring] ## Time will see us realign ## Diamonds rain across the sky ## Shower me into the same realm... [Bisley climbs the buckles and looks out over the arena, pointing to himself to make sure he has everyone’s full attention, once again tapping the side of his head to remind everyone he’s the smartest guy in the room] ## Time will see us realign ## Diamonds rain across the sky ## I will lead us to the same realm [Bisley climbs down, pulling on the ropes for a moment, before he turns around and lifts himself back onto the ropes and, looking down at his opponent, he sits on the top turnbuckle. *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* | | | IMPROMPTU BONUS MATCH | | | | "SMART" MARK BISELY | | vs. | | "NUTS" BALONEY | | | *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* Bisley lowers himself from the buckles to the canvas, looking almost amused at the sight of "Nuts" Baloney standing on the opposite side of the ring... before extending a hand towards his opponent, offering a handshake! Baloney looks at Bisely quiestioning, and with a smirk... Baloney slaps Bisley’s hand away! Instantly, the two men lock up, Bisley ducks behind Baloney and takes him to the canvas with a single leg trip, and with Baloney on the mat he quickly grabs the leg and connects with a series of kicks to Baloney’s leg! Bisley lets Baloney back to his feet, keeping an eye on where he is at all times, and as soon as Baloney gets back up Bisley catches him with an arm wringer and connects with another kick to the back of the leg, before switching up to take Baloney down with a snapmare, following up with a dropkick between the shoulder blades! Bisely is just putting on a showcase, totally schooling the DART~! leader. The fans fall silent, in awe of the tehcnical brillance perhaps. Not letting up one bit, Bisley picks Baloney up and looks to whip him across the ropes, but Baloney reverses the momentum and catches Bisley with a jab to the jaw, before teeing off with a series of them! "Nuts" is just trying to fight back, getting this fight back on the ground he's more comfortable with! With each punhc, the crowd chants along! NUTS! NUTS! NUTS! NUTS! And now Baloney's winding up for the knock out..... [FUCKING NEWCOMER HEEL POP! Before Bisley can connect with the finishing punch, Bisley connects with a kick to the leg... followed by a quick an elbow shiver....and a rolling solebutt kick to the midsection! The momentum clearly back in Bisely's hands now, as with Baloney doubled over, Bisley quickly sets Baloney up for a hangman’s neckbreaker.... before driving Baloney’s neck down hard across his knee. He goes for the cover! 1... 2...... KICKOUT!!! The crowd roars with delight, already not liking this "Smart" Mark Bisley much. He once again waits for Baloney to get to his feet, not letting him out of his sight and keeping a handle on his ring position at all times. Baloney gets up and quickly Bisley grabs the leg, and takes Baloney down with a dragon screw, once more focusing on the knee... but at the same time, throwing Baloney into the corner. Clearly favouring the knee, Baloney uses the ropes to get to his feet... and is met with a hard knife edge chop from Bisley before he’s even had time to catch his breath, then... [SMMAAAACKKKK!] [SMMAAAACKKKK!] [SMMAAAACKKKK!] [SMMAAAACKKKK!] [SMMAAAACKKKK!] [SMMAAAACKKKK!] ...Bisley connects with a series of rapid kicks to the chest, driving the air out of Baloney’s chest and causing him to drop to the mat. Bisley backs away, rushes across the ring and connects with a baseball slide to Baloney’s nether regions!!!! Clearly favouring his brutalised scrotum, Baloney rolls under the ropes to the apron, trying to get some distance between him and his opponent, and once more uses the ropes to try and pull himself to a vertical base... ...only to eat a super kick to the side of the head from Bisley. With Baloney stunned on the apron, Bisley slingshots over the ropes, driving Baloney head- first onto the edge of the ring apron! Baloney’s head just met with nothing but wood and steel. He’s got to be out! With Baloney down on the floor, Bisley sits on his perch on the ring apron and smirks, before dropping to the floor and raising his arm, before performing a lap of honour around the ring! The fans let him have it! FUCK-ING JAGOFF! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP FUCK-ING JAGOFF! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP FUCK-ING JAGOFF! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP FUCK-ING JAGOFF! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP As he completes a circuit of ringside, Bisley spots Baloney getting up and takes him back down with a chop block, before he picks Baloney off the floor and rolls him into the ring, sliding into the ring behind him and choosing his spot. Baloney slowly gets back to his feet, unaware that Bisley is stood behind him watching his every move, and as Baloney gets to his feet Bisley runs up the buckles and comes flying back off, connecting with the Ace Kick directly to the back of Baloney’s head. With Baloney down, Bisley quickly locks in the Minnesota Cloverleaf, a modified version of a Texas cloverleaf... The fans pick back up their chant! FUCK-ING JAGOFF! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP FUCK-ING JAGOFF! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP FUCK-ING JAGOFF! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP FUCK-ING JAGOFF! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP But it doesnt' matter! Baloney can't move, can't do it! He taps out without much fanfare!!! Bisley releases the hold and pushes the referee aside, climbing the buckles and pointing to the ace on the right hip of his ring attire, making sure everyone gets a good view of it, before climbing down and using the referee’s shirt to wipe the sweat from his brow! "Nuts" rolls out of the ring, jsut cluthcing his legs... *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* | | | WINNER: "Smart" Mark Bisely | | | | FINISH: Minnesota Cloverleaf | | | *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* Wow! I know "Nuts" might not be the most sound technical wrestler we got in DART~! but he is tough as nails! But Bisely worked that leg all match and really made sure it put his hard work to use, bending "Nuts" limbs like that wiht a modified cloverleaf! I say that bonus match certainly makes up for a good bit! But before the next match can start, we have another unexpcted guest it seems... V/O: REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH! [With that sentence the lights died causing the arena to go black as the opening cords to Marilyn Manson's "Personal Jesus" began to play over the sound system. The crowd came alive with a mixture of booing and cheering.] ## Your own personal Jesus ## Someone to hear your prayers ## Someone who cares ## Your own personal Jesus ## Someone to hear your prayers ## Someone who's there [A small pretty faint spot light shot down from the top of the bleachers upon a figure standing in the aisle who has on a long black hooded robe. His face covered by the over sized hood with the only thing that could really be seen is a black beard.] ## Feeling unknown ## And you're all alone ## Flesh and bone ## By the telephone ## Lift up the receiver ## I'll make you a believer [After a few moments the man reached up pulling the hood off his head revealing the the man, the myth, the legend... Jesus Christ! No, not really... When the hood dropped it revealed the boyish good looks of a man that looked just like a gothic Jesus Christ, but his name is, "Black Jesus" Ryan Faith!] ## Take second best ## Put me to the test ## Things on your chest ## That we need to confess ## I will deliver ## You know I'm a forgiver [Ryan slowly and deliberately made his way down the aisle which caused his black shoulder length hair to sway from side to side. After what seemed to be minutes "Black Jesus" got to the ring steps. He paused and almost right on cue to the music his arms rose to his side before he looked to the sky.] ## Reach out and touch Crowd: FAITH! ## Reach out and touch Crowd: FAITH! ## Your own personal Crowd: JESUS! [Ryan's arms dropped before he looked into the ring. He began to remove his robe revealing his ring attire which consisted of full length black tights with a white cross on the right leg with a glowing outline of what can only be described as Jesus crucified on said cross. To go along with the tights he's got on black wrestling boots, with matching black knee pads. Plus He has arm sleeves that extend from just above his elbows down to his fingers.] ## Feeling unknown ## And you're all alone ## Flesh and bone ## By the telephone ## Lift up the receiver ## I'll make you a believer ## I will deliver ## You know I'm a forgiver [The robe dropped to the floor as Ryan made his way up the steps. He climbed up the corner before pausing on the middle rope with his arms extended straight out. They quickly dropped as he stepped over the top rope and back onto the middle rope and finally down into the ring.] ## Reach out and touch FAITH ## Your own personal JESUS ## Reach out and touch Crowd: FAITH! [With that the music faded while the mixed reaction from the crowd continued with a few more cheers then before possibly because of the music. The house lights are now back at full strength and the ring attendant removed the robe from the floor. Faith made his way to the side of the ring demanding a microphone which was tossed to him from the outside.] "Black Jesus" Ryan Faith: Listen, I'm not out here to rant and rave about _ god _ knows what. I'm out here for redemption! Bob Zimmerman... I know you are back there and I know that big pile of shit is right next to you. The last time I was in this ring I was disrespected... And just a little bit ago I was disrespected! I _demand_ respect! [He paused.] Faith: So, Zimmerman... Quinn... Get out here so I can make the two of you into believers. Believers in "Black Jesus"! [Faith dropped the mic as his head tilted backward with his arms out. The crowd came to life, but it wasn't due to Ryan Faith standing in the ring like some sort of wannabe prophet. It was due to The Mighty Quinn! and Bob Zimmerman standing in the aisle way!] FUCK HIM UP! FUCK HIM UP! FUCK HIM UP! FUCK HIM UP! FUCK HIM UP! FUCK HIM UP! FUCK HIM UP! FUCK HIM UP! FUCK HIM UP! ["Black Jesus" looked up the aisle as the five foot nine inch youngster gave off an evil smile, beckoning the duo to come to the ring. As the crowd continues to chant, Zimmerman gives Quinn the go ahead, and the duo make thier way to the ring. The crowds decibel levels seemingly peak as Quinn goes to roll under the ropes..... AND FAITH ROLLS OUT THE OTHER SIDE! He tries to get under the ring... But QUinn, lumbering as fast as he can, catches Faith's ankle! He drags the man out from udner the ring, and throws him back INTO the ring! Quinn rolls in.... [WE ARE GUNNA KILL THAT PUNK HEEL POP!] [HE"S GOT THE GIANT ESKIMO HANDCUFFED TO THE ROPES!!!! Faith gave Quinn a few boots before making him a prisoner to the ropes! And then gives him a few more as the Mighty Quinn! tries to just rip his way out of the cuffs to no avail! Quickly Zimmerman, a former wrestler himself, get son the aporn and barks at Faith.... WHO JUST HOOKS HIM FOR A SUPELX..... AND TOSSES HIM INTO THE GUARDRAIL!!!! The crowd is not happy one bit!!! ...AND THEY CERTAINLY GUNNA BE HAPPY ANY TIME SOON! Faith rolls out of the ring, and grabs himself a chair! He apparochs Quinn, who turns around and rolls throught eh ropes! Only his massive size letting his feet touch the floor, as Faith pulls back..... SLAMMING QUINN RIGHT ACROSS THE HEAD WITH THE CHAIR!!!] [TTTHHHHUUUUUUDDDD!] [TTTHHHHUUUUUUDDDD!] [TTTHHHHUUUUUUDDDD!] Three quick shots makes Quinn's legs go weak, allowing Fiaht to get in closer...... HANDCUFFING HIS OTHER ARM TO THE ROPES!!! With both arms handcuffed and his legs weak, Quinn's only support is his own limbs cuffed to the ropes! But Fiaht doesn't let up one bit! [TTTHHHHUUUUUUDDDD!] [TTTHHHHUUUUUUDDDD!] [TTTHHHHUUUUUUDDDD!] [TTTHHHHUUUUUUDDDD!] [TTTHHHHUUUUUUDDDD!] [TTTHHHHUUUUUUDDDD!] Six more shots, as Quinn is now slumped against the ropes... but his mouth isn't shut! He's screaming... AND AKSING FOR MORE!?!? He even stands back up.... [TTTHHHHUUUUUUDDDD!] [TTTHHHHUUUUUUDDDD!] [TTTHHHHUUUUUUDDDD!] [TTTHHHHUUUUUUDDDD!] [TTTHHHHUUUUUUDDDD!] [TTTHHHHUUUUUUDDDD!] [TTTHHHHUUUUUUDDDD!] [TTTHHHHUUUUUUDDDD!] [TTTHHHHUUUUUUDDDD!] [TTTHHHHUUUUUUDDDD!] [TTTHHHHUUUUUUDDDD!] [TTTHHHHUUUUUUDDDD!] Quinn is now a bloody mess, as Faiht seems tired of swining the steel! Quinn is again slumped aginst the rope, now seemingly actualyl out of it, as the blood begins to floor. The fans are not cheering, or even boo'ing.... just appaled at the level of violence here! [THANK FUCKING GAWD FACE POP!] BUT SOMEONE'S TANDING UP TO THE "BLACK JESUS! IT'S PJ SMITH!!! The new DERP signee!!! He rips that chair right ouf of Faith's hand... AND WHACKS HIM WITH IT!!! Faith goes to drop to the mat, but Smith drops the chair and grabs Faiht all in one quick motion...... BRAINBUSTER SUPLEX!!! He calls that the Patriotic Plunge!!!! Faith rolls his way to the guardrail, gets up and high tails it to the back, looking just angry and shocked as can be! Smith calls to security, who arrive and begin helping Quinn exit his precarious postion! Zimmerman is finally standing, a bit wobbling, btu the mighty Quinn! just seems out of it after twenty something chair shots! As the fans slowly digest the violence, the participants for the next match start making their way to the ring.... *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* | | | WHO WILL MOVE UP THE STANDINGS??? | | | | BATEMAN | | vs. | | TRACY HUDSON | | | *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* And here's the part that SUCKS about the DERP format.... ...yins won't see this match til Saturday on the... ...THE SECOND EPISODE EXTREME TV! DON'T MISS THE FUN!!! *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* | | | WINNER: | | | | FINISH: | | | *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* Well, I can't tell ya what ahppend in the match... I can't even give ya any HINTS to what happened. But... I can move onto the next match, as the DERP Steel City Tag Team Champions make their way to the ringside area.... [Punk chords fill the air, followed by 8 simple words...] # ARE YOU READY... # # ... TO OBEY ... # # ... THE COW GOD? # [YES-WE-ARE POP!!! The continuing instrumental version of Green Jelly's "Obey the Cow God" bring the crowd to their feet, as out from the back bounces everyone's favorite masked white guy, El Pollo Loco! Around his waist is one of the greatest prizes in all of tag team wrestling, the DERP Steel City Tag Team Championship belt. He turns to the back, and points...] [... as out comes his partner, "Da Cow God" Moo. He steps two feet outside the ring entrance, pats the Steel City Tag Team Title belt sitting over his right shoulder, then turns and disappears back into the entrance. He reappears a few seconds later, a rope in his hand leading back into the entry. And as the duo make their way to the ring side-by-side, a metal cart appears at the other end of the rope... upon which rests a stack of folded up tables, bringing another huge round of cheers from the crowd.] [Moo and Loco reach the ringside area, and begin setting up tables around the ring. The tables are lined up until the entire ringside area is a chain of end- to-end tables. Moo climbs the ringsteps, as Loco hops up onto one of the tables, pulling the Steel City Tag Team Title off his waist and shooting it into the air with two hands as the crowd again roars for the champions. Loco tosses his title to Moo just as the big man gets into the ring, then jumps at the apron, grabbing the top rope and slingshoting himself into a somersault into the ring as "Da Cow God" holds the two title belts high in the air, one in each hand.] [Without nearly the same fanfare, Bullzeye and Nagashima make their way down to the ring. Bullzeye doing his best to hide the damage from earlier in the evening. Nagashima just looking focused and ready to go! *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* | | | MAIN EVENT | | DERP STEEL CITY TAG TITLE MATCH | | | | COW AND CHICKEN (C) | | vs. | | BULLZEYE/"TBB" IKUTO NAGASHIMA | | | *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* With El Pollo Loco perched on his corner's top rope, "Da Cow God" starts this one off, as Nagashima was the loser of rock, paper, scissors and starts it off for his team. The two lock up, but Moo quickly overpowers the "Toyko Bad Boy", whipping him into the corner! Loco instantly move sinto action, taking Ikuto down with a chickencanrana!!! Moo seizes the opportuntiy and charges Bullzeye on the apron... SHOUDLER BLOCK..... AND BULLEYE CRASHES THROUGH A TABLE!!!! The crowd roars with delight! Loco and Moo slap fives, as the two pull Nagashima to his feet. Moo whips the "Tokyo Bad Boy" into the corner, as Loco backs up in the other one. Loco then runs at Moo, who holds his hands in a 'lift' position, helping Loco up in the air... THE CHICKEN FLIES INTO NAGASHIMA.... 360 STYLE WITH A DROPKICK TO FINISH IT OFF!!!! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! Both men lay in a heap in the corner, as Moo cheers along with the fans! As the noise dies down, he pulls both men out of the corner, putting Loco ontop of Nagashima and get son the apron, letting the ref make the count! 1... 2...... SHOULDER UP!!! The crowd isn't pleased and neither is Moo! Both men slowly get to their feet... Nagashima using the ropes, Loco getting himself up on his own! But he took a scond loner, allowign nagashima to charge in.... Loco ducks the clotheslien and runs to the ropes, bouncing off! Nagashima comes charging back himself... Ikuto catches Loco for a back breaker... NOOO!!! LOCO SPINS HIMSELF AROUND IKUTO!!! A MODIFIED TILT-A-WHIRL DDT!!!! Ikuto is just planted in the ring, as Loco hops to his feet and charges the corner, runs right up the turn buckles.... CORKSCREW PLANACHA!!! He hooks the leg! 1... 2...... SHOULDER UP AGAIN!!! Now the crowd is even more upset!!! Loco gets to his feet and wastes no time tagging in "Da Cow God", much to the fans approval! Loco has Ikuto back on his feet, as Moo charges in... BIG BOOT!! NO!!! IKUTO USED THE CHICKEN AS A POULTRY SHIELD!!! Moo is shocked, as Ikuto captilaizes... FLYING LEG LARIAT!!! Moo is backed up into the ropes, as Ikuto bakcs up again, and goes for another leg lariat! BUT MOO'S CATCHES HIM!!!!! [WE LOVE FUCKING TABLES FACE POP!] ..."DA COW GOD" JUST HEAVES IKUTO OVER THE ROPES THROUGH A TABLE ON THE OUTSIDE!!!! The crowd is just on their feet, cheering madly, finally organizing their thoughts... COW AND CHICKEN! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP COW AND CHICKEN! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP COW AND CHICKEN! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP COW AND CHICKEN! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP COW AND CHICKEN! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP BUT THEIR CHANTS CUT SHORT!!! Bullzeye gets himself back in the ring... ARMED WITH THAT BBARBWIRE DARTBOAD!!! Loco turns around just in time to get caught right across the forehead! He falls back into the ropes, as Moo now takes hsi chances to dearm the former two time DERP 24/7 champion! Bullzeye raises the dartboard.... Moo goes to block it.... AND GETS SQUARE IN THE NUTS!!! Bullzeye drops the dartbaord on the mat, and runs into the ropes.... and grabs Moo by the head SLAMMING his face right into the dartboard!!! The crowd lets out a collective groan, as Bullzeye gets back to his feet, obviously proud of his deeds! Not pleased at all the with the treatment of "Da Cow God", Loco springs himself to the top rope and leaps off, sommersault style... and catches the rising Bullzye with a nasty neckbreaker! The crazy chicken quickly checks on Moo's, who's pulled himself free from the barbwire, btu is obivously showing the signs of the damage! Before Bullzeye gets fully to his feet, El Pollo Loco whips him into the ropes..... DROP TOE HOLD ONTO THE DARTBOARD!!! Loco quickly gets to his feet... ELBOW DROP!!!!! Bullzeye's face just buried in the barbwire, much to the crowd's pleasure!!! Loco goes for the cover.... ......but the referee reminds him the legla man is on the outside!!!! Loco looks, as Ikuto is leaning on the rails, clearing the cobwebs, getting his strenght back together and trying to pick his spots. Loco waits no time, charges the ropes and leaps to the top... SUICIDE PALANCHA!!!! NOOOO!!!!!!!! NAGASHIMA MOVED!!!! The chicken greets the guardrail hard, falling to the floor in obvous pain! The crowd boo's, as Ikuto smules quite proud of himself! He turns his back tot he ring, and jaws at the fans.... [ARE YOZU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?!?! FACE POP!] SUICIDE DIVE BY MOO! SUICIDE FUCKING DIVE BY "DA COW GOD"!!!! Nagashims is slammed int othe guardrail, pushing it back a few feet! Moo lands hard, but quickly stukbles back up to his feet, with the entire arena just going insane!!!! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! Kinda groggy, Moo pulls Ikuto up and rolls him into the ring. Moo wastes no time, going right for the cover... 1... 2...... BULLZEYE BREAKS IT UP!!!! Beaten and bloody, Bullzeye just dove at "Da Cow God", just breaking up the pin attempt in time. Moo really felt the effects of Bullzeye's drop kick, but staggers to his feet, as Bullzeye doesn't let up, running to the ropes, leapign to the top rope.... SPRINGBAORD CROSSBODY!!! NOOOO!!!!!! MOO CAUGHT HIM!!! Nasty sidewalk slam!!! The whole ring just shakes!!! The crowd gives Moo some serious love....... BUT IKUTO CATCHES HIM WITH A DISCUS PUNCH RIGHT OT HE BACK OF THE HEAD!!!!! Moo stumbles forwards into the ropes, as Ikuto gets behidn... pulling him down to the mat with a roll up!!! 1... 2....... KICK OUT!!!! Ikuto yells at Bullzeye, who's slowly getting up. The "Toyko Bad Boy" whips Moo into the ropes, and then joins hands iwth Bullzeye.... DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE!!! Moo drops the mat, as his opponents peel off in opposite directions! Ikuto bounces off the ropes, as does Bullzeye.... Ikuto drops a elbow right to Moo's forehead, as Bullzeye comes crashing down with springboard moonsault!!! The two time DERP 24/7 Champ gets up. allowing Ikuto to hook the leg! 1... 2...... SHOULDER UP!!! It's now Bullzeye turn to call out to Nagashima, yelling for him to get Moo up to his feet... Ikuto grants Bullzeye his wish, as Byllzeye comes charging with that dartboard again.... AND BREAKS IN TWO OVER MOO'S HEAD!!! It hangs there by the strands of the barbwire, just digging deeper into "Da Cow God's" flesh. Moo slumps backwards into the ropes, as Ikuto and Bullzeye don't let up one bit! They see the table right there at ringside behind Moo! Bullzeye quickly slides outside and puls it closer to the apron! He sldies back in, as the duo back away from Moo'.... and run right at him...... DOUBLE DROPKICK!!! THE BIG MAN GOE SUP AND OVER...... AND THROUGH THE TABLE!!!!!! The crowd is not happy one bit, as a bloodied Bullzeye and a weakend Ikuto stand tall inside the ring! [CLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAANNNNNNNGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!] [FUCKING UNBELIEVABLY AWESOME FACE POP!] LOCO OFF THE TOP ROPE WITH SUCIDE DIVE..... HOLDING A MOTHERFUCKIGN LADDER!!!! He takes out both opponets wiht one feel swoop, and also taking himself out in the process it seems! The crowd is just eletric, everyone seemingly on their feet! CRA-ZEE CHICK-UN! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP CRA-ZEE CHICK-UN! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP CRA-ZEE CHICK-UN! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP CRA-ZEE CHICK-UN! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP CRA-ZEE CHICK-UN! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP CRA-ZEE CHICK-UN! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP CRA-ZEE CHICK-UN! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP Of all four men, Loco is the first to stir, pulling himself out of the ladder and orlling tot he outside of the ring, regrouping a bit with Moo, who's now kneeling on ringside. Proud of his lil buddy, the duo slaps each other high fives before rolling back into the ring. Loco pulls Ikuto out from udner the ladder and into the center of the ring. Moo pulls Bullzeye to his feet, as Loco runs to the ropes! Moo drops Bullzeye right onto Ikuto... right as Loco hit's a running legdrop on "the Toyko Bad Boy!" He gets right back up, running into the opposite set of ropes! Moo follows with a nasty elbow to the back of Bullzeye's head, as Loco returns, landing on the pile with a chickensault!!! The crowd just ROARS with delight for the COW AND CHICKEN COMBO!!! Loco rolls off, as Moo delviers a splash, going for the pin, sandwiching Bullzeye between Ikuto and himself! 1... 2..... THE REFREES PULLED OUT OF THE RING... .....BY JOSH MANNINGG!!!!! THE PERFECTLY PERFECT ALLIANCE HAS HIT THE RING!!!!! The Studd brothers dive right in undere the bottom ropes, their fists wrapped with chains! Cow and Chicken instantly stand and go to give Max and Lance a fight! Moo and Max begin to trade left's and right's, but Max with those chains are really taking thier toll on Moo! Loco charges straight forward at Lance, as the studd bother pulls his arm bac... and cathfes a drop kick right to the knee! Loco follows it wuickly with a DDT!!! Max has Moo backed into the ropes, and spots his partner, thus deciding to whip Moo across the ring...... RIGHT INTO EL POLLO LOCO!!! "Da Cow God" just steamrolls his buddy, as the DERP tag team champions crumple into the corner! Max calls out to Josh Manning who's at ringside, demanding he slides a table into the ring! Manning uses.... BOTH ARMS!?!?!?! He smiles as the fans just let loose with boo's!!!! [HELL YES!!! GEEEEEEEETTTTTT HIIIIMMMMMM FACE POP!] AND HERE COMES TYRONE HEAT!!! He's still steaming from early, and manning sees him coming.... and stands right there toe to toe with "The Trashman!" He begins mouthing off, warning Heat baout how he can't touch him. Heat just smiles, and gives Manning a lil wave...?!?!? [FUCKING RIGHT FACE POP!!!] DENNY LATIMER OUT FROM THE CROWD!!!! DENNY LATIMER AND HIS BARBWRIE CAST CLOCKING MANNING!!!! He is just DROPPED to the floor like a bad habit!!! Latimer and Heat slap high fives as the fans just roar with delight! Back in the ring, the studd brothers have the table sat up, with Moo on it.... being held down adn CHOKED with those chaisn by Max! Lance has his chain wrapped aroudn Loco's neck and has the chciken perhced on teh top rope.... AND PULLS HIM OFF.... RIGHT ONTO MOO, WHO CRASHES THROUGH THE TABLE!!!!!!! Bullzeye and Nagashima look on from the outside, not getting in the middle of this at all... BUT HEAT AND LATIMER ARE!!! They roll right into the ring, Latiemr with his cast, Heat with a chair! The Studd brothers take one look at them...... AND TAKE OFF RUNNING!!!!! They roll right out of the ring, and flee through the crowd! Latimer and Heat check on Cow and Chicken, and roll to the outside of the ring themselves, remaining playing the role as enforcer perhaps. Bullzeye and Ikuto seems a bit ocnfusd, but roll right into the ring... going for the pin on Moo! 1... 2...... SHOULDER UP!!!!!! The crowd just can't beleive it! They just can't!!! Somehow Moo has some life in him! They first pull Loco to his feet and whip him into the ropes. They got for a doubel clothesline.... Loco ducks and bounces off the ropes... NO! HE LEAPS TO THE TOP ROPE... SPRINGBOARD MOONSAULT.... AND HE CAUGHT BOTH MEN WITH A DDT!!!! That is a springboard moonsualt double DDT and the crowd just rrrrroooooarrrs with delight!!! Loco is winded, but is coherent enough to notice Heat and LAtimer at ringside... and calls for them to slide a table into the ring! They do so, as Loco pulls Ikuto to his heet.... AND LEAPS... CHICKENCANRANA.... AND HE FLINGS THE "TOYKO BAD BOY" RIGHT OUT OF THE RING!!!! The crwod is jsut on their feet still, feeling that Cow and Chicken is going to put this one away, despite the attack by PPD! Moo is now up to on his feet, and sets up the table in the middle of the ring before pulling Bullzeye up to his feet. Moo nods to Loco, who is leanign against the ropes, as Moo just lifts Bullzseye high into the air gutwrench style........ AND DROPS HIM THROUGH THE TABLE WITH A SITOUT PWERBOMB!!! That's the BOVINE BOMB!!! Bullzeye is OUT COLD, as Moo makes the pin attempt! 1... 2...... 3!!!!!! [WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!] The crowd is just estatic as Cow and Chicken embrace in the ring, as "the Trashman" and "All Action" roll into the ring. They four men exchange glances... and handshakes all around!!! Manning has FINALLY pulled himself up from the ringside area,and looks very pissed! He.... uses his good hand to whistle?!?!? *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* | | | WINNER: Cow and Chicken | | | | FINISH: Bovine Bomb thru table | | | *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* ...CONFETTI REIGNS DOWN ON THE RING!?!?! NOOOOOO!!!!!!!! [STUNNED SILENCE!!!!!] THAT'S THUMBATCKS!!!! HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS OF THUMBTACKS ARE REIGNING DOWN FROM ABOVE!!!! The perfectly perfect alliance gathers at the top of the ramp!!! Moo... Loco... Heat... Latimer... Just are buried in thumbtacks reigning down from hundres of feet! The fans are just shocked into silence, watching their hereos by sliced and diced like a tomato! The PPA make their way down the rignside, slapping fives and laughing at the carnage unfolding before them. They spread out when the hit ringside, Manning and Omar going on way, the Studd Brothers going the other, pointign and laughing as the four men in the ring, try to cover up. Loco even tries to roll out, but the Studd brothers make sure he stays for the last few seconds of the 'thumback confetti'. With the raining stopped, the crowd seems to have awoken, and being to loudly object to these proceedings! As the four members of the PPA carefully make their way into the ring, the fans begin to help clean up the arena... by collecting all the trash in the middle of the ring! The PPA seems to pay no attention, even trying to catch a few of the beers tossed their way. The talk all the trash they can, even laying a few boots into anyone who moves. [WHAT A BUNCHA JAGOFFS HEEL POP!] AND NOW THE PERFECTLY PERFECT DUO"S GOT THE TAG TITLES!!! The Studd brothers slap themselves a high five, and begin to pose with the gold! The fans, somehow, find a new volume level with their jeering! PPA just laughs, and begins to blow everyone kisses..... as they exit the ring..... WITH THE TITLES!!! They made their way to the back, still basking in the boo's. DERP EMTs quickly blow past them, getting to the ring as they as they can to check on the four men who are still barely stirring and just covered in thumbtacks. Which is how this night ended as the fans began to file out, not at all pleased with the PPA's actions... though some were admittly in love with the idea of the thumbtacks falling. With the Perfectly Perfect Duo in action two days from now on haus show number eight, one has to wonder if Cow and Chicken won't have something to say about this! ______________________________________________________ THOUGHTS? REACTIONS? 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